The Stages of Grief

The Stages of Grief

By Anne Chauvet, DVM, DACVIM - Neurology

Our pets bring us an incredible amount of unconditional love. They also bring us a deep sense of pain and loss upon their passing. When we lose a loved one, even a pet, we begin to experience many feelings and sometimes we feel overwhelmed by them. We need a lot of explanations before the acceptance. The stages described below are always noted, at different times, for different durations. Healing is accomplished only by allowing the full range of the grief and being generous with ourselves when we enter each of these stages, sometimes more than once. It can take days, weeks, years. Forgiving the dead and ourselves is part of the healing. The acceptance is key.
Denial
This is the first stage – Shock hits us. We can’t (or don’t want to) believe what is happening. Nothing makes sense. We cope day by day. This is about survival. As we progress through this stage, we start asking questions. We become stronger. Emotions begin to surface.
Anger
Healing begins. Anger has no limits and it extends to everyone involved in our situation, including ourselves, and the ones who died. Sometimes, God is blamed too. This anger is fed by the pain, the abandonment and desertion we feel. We feel powerless and feel lost in a desert with no connections to anything. Being angry at someone or something is a way of feeling like we are regaining control of the situation. It is a powerful sign of our love for the departed.
Bargaining
Often, as we know death is impending, we bargain to spare our loved one. We bargain with God, destiny. After the loss, there is a sort of truce, a time when we feel like we should do all we can to change the odds for others. We are now is a mix of what ifs. Guilt!
Depression
Depression often comes after bargaining. We feel hopeless. Emptiness sets in. We lose some sense of purpose. It feels as if we will never get out of this stage.
Acceptance
Acceptance is sometimes thought as if everything is okay now. Not so! We do begin to accept the reality that our loved one is gone and the permanence of this sinks in. We live with the loss. We are aware of our feelings. We cope. We adjust. It is time to forgive the dead for leaving, the world for taking them away, all those involved for not being able to save this loved one, and ourselves altogether as we often continue to feel as we did not do enough, say enough, have enough. It is time to forgive and remember the good moments and the laughs. Be patient for it takes time. Be kind to yourself.
The Rainbow Bridge